Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Four Loko Found With Dead Teens


Recently, two teenagers from Huntington Beach, California were found dead surrounded by empty Four Loko cans. Police also confirmed that there was apparent drug use being conducted throughout the apartment and had no definite answer on what killed the two boys. Autopsy results will take a couple of months before they can determine the cause, but the situation continues to worsen the reputation of the already banned drink.

Thirteen states have banned the sale of this "blackout in a can", Texas being one of them. I was sad to see it go due to the fact that it only cost about $2.99 and had the same effect on me as if I had consumed half a handle of vodka. I was a frequent user of this "lethal" drink and I never died. Nor did I ever come close to dying. The only thing I ever really did was just vomit profusely on myself and in a living room. This was after an event we called "Four Loko of July." It was a huge success, in fact I went home in only my underwear, only to find my mother getting for work.

The larger issue at hand is what else were these kids doing to make them did? Or in other cases for them to get so fucked up that they ended up at a hospital? No one I know has ever had this kind of experience with Four Loko, so health investigators should really look at the recreational drug use that was going on. More than likely these kids were doing hard drugs like cocaine or even cheese so of course their going to die. Don't ban a drink because 16 to 18 years can't handle their shit.

CoCo's Guide to Facebook Etiquette.


I spend a lot of time on Facebook and while I'm on this social mindfuck, I have recently developed pet peeves that drive me fucking crazy. So, I decided to share a few etiquette lessons on keeping your Facebook experience delightful without looking like a dumb ass.

Don't be a comment bomber. This is the absolute worst thing. It happens when you make a status about a specific thing, i.e.: "Oh shit, my cat just died. :(" or "Best Coast is just the best band ever for loving cats!" and some douche, usually a relative, comments "OMG girl, love you! How have you been? Remember in elementary school when we ate paste together!?" Unacceptable.

Don't make excessive relationship statuses. This happens daily when you have freshmen girls for friends. I don't need to know that you're fucking missing your boy, or that he broke your hymen or heart, or whatever the fuck just happened, okay? I just need to know that you can shut the fuck up.

Don't add me as a friend if: I never spoke to you in high school. If that's the only thing we have in common then chances are I hate you. If I've only spoken to you once in a class, that means we aren't going to be besties.

Put your parents on super limited profile. It's nice that they want to share experiences with you while you're in college or away living in the real world, but I don't need them getting all up in my business and passing judgment on me.

I hope these tips help you on the path of self discovery and help make your Facebook experience more pleasurable.

The Bitchiest Tits There Ever Were


I was always told that if you were going to do something, then you should do it correctly or not all. Well, that's why I'm a big unapologetic bitch. Ever since I entered college, I knew that there were goals of mine that needed to be met. I was no longer going to be the little closeted gay boy that denied that he really did like sucking dick. So, somewhere between my freshman year and now, I have developed a skill that will prove beneficial in todays society.

However, being a complete bitch can be exhausting. So instead of swinging around rage, I focused on things that I really gave a shit about. With that, I found specific things that I love to bitch about with everyone I come into contact. This could be from British pop music or my obsession with the Real Housewives franchise. These subjects might not be important to you at the time, but my love and understanding of the knowledge will make you fall in love with them. It will also make you hate it a little bit more if you already did. Either way, you always get a big scoop of it whenever you come through this lunch line.